Sunday, March 26, 2017

The Two Roads

Robert Frost talked about travel two roads and he walked on the road less traveled by others. However, in any road or any decision nowadays one decision or one fork in the road is not a fork, it's many forks. And it feels as if you are lost in the forest unless you know only to follow your path. Sometimes it is tough to get through at times.

Sometimes we go through these situations with jobs, love, locations, etc. And sometimes we are torn between decisions and they unfold. And we see both roads ahead of us. And sometimes in matters of relationships this is a tough thing even if nothing has happened.

We live in a Matrix of possibilities and in that Matrix we attract people in our life and it calls for our attention. It calls for us to either choose one, or if we are indulgent we choose both and it is because we truly can't decide. This relates to the differences of the worlds which I understand now.

Yesterday when hanging out I was watching a comedian talk about when the British took over India. The British guy said we are coming to take over this colony and proclaim their is one God, while the India guy said which God is that, we have many. In the stand up comedy routine, they went back and forth until they argued and then Britain then took over. I didn't see this part, but an interesting part is how they got it back with one leader. They didn't get violent and if they got violent the Indian army punished themselves by giving themselves more punishment. Eventually with acts such as this they got their freedom and the British eventually gave up because they couldn't figure out how to get what they want.

Bottom line is we don't understand each other. When one person in the relationship is saying I am the only one you should either care and make love to when in reality the other person is thinking I want to make love with many women and experience the fruits of life. They are not doing this out of disrespect, they are doing this to actually make love better with their woman or man, but a lot of times this argument takes place and it gets misconstrued.

We are loving beings and with our loving we want to be free from our prison and be able to experience. We should be free to experience the nature of love. We should be free to experience life without being a prisoner and with life we all are prisoners and we hold ourselves to old paradigms that don't work anymore and we are tearing them down by being free.

What is freedom? Freedom is being free and their is a price with it. But sometimes we may not be a prisoner of our society, but a prisoner of our own minds and we create our prisons.

We may create a relationship that seems to be like a death sentence. All because we created how horribly the situation is or we create a situation that can be paradise between the two we care about. The fact is we are torn between that decision or free depending on what we think about.

Fact is last year I created hell for myself, because deep down inside I wanted that experience. And just like I experience the situation that I face right now. It's how we attract things and situations in our life. Just like the Law of Attraction. This is why as I've heard we should do what we want to do right now and not hesitate and sometimes when we hesitate we lose.

Our situations we face deal with a choice or a Matrix of ideas and they all are calling our attention. Maybe we all don't want to be free or maybe we are free in the decision we make. Even in our relationship we can be free. Deep down we have a drive to live and when we forget to live we aren't free. Even if we give the advice that maybe wrong to others, It is our truth that we know and it is our truth that we can only share. Maybe no one knows this truth, but we learn from other truth and this helps us understand our purpose better.

All this the Two Roads we approach in life and this is how we learn in life.

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Creating a Vision You Want

I was writing about creating a vision you want on a Facebook post today. Fact is people keep appearing in our lives for a reason and situations follow. No one will be told what to do or how to live, but a new Paradigm follows. We need to start creating our own vision in life. Perhaps we are sheltered with our lives and we may feel that we can't create that vision, but we all do it everyday. Rather it is a good vision or a bad vision. We create it. As I have created my situation because I so badly want to be free. What do I want to be free of. The suffering I inflicted on myself after leaving the relationship, but I have grown and I have come to terms and I finally am dreaming bigger and better.

Not to sound like Terri Savelle Foy, but when we dream things happen it is all a matter of our dream and what work we put into it. Just like a piece of artwork you don't know, but it forms and the vision takes form. It creates the world that we want and make it better. Freelance art is like this it starts and then it forms as the work of art builds we create what we want and we let our vision form in that artwork as beauty takes form.


We go on our vision to maybe make it what we want, ugly, bad, good or great. We can create that mind, that body we want. We can find the key to way we are here. And we don't have to be a prisoner of our situations, but why do we? We have a thought in our minds and it forms and we create illnesses, even create our greatest successes.
An idea in our head can form and we have a plan to do something, but we work on balancing ourselves, because when we are off balance the scale can be tipped both ways. This is why we both need our dark energy as well as our light energy. One energy makes us stronger and one balances it. And as I have learned, when you are in your dark energy it is not a bad thing it propels you to do better improve and do things you would not imagine, but you would have to learn from all perspective of the situation. Everything is a learning experience. We are in contracts with one another no matter how good or bad it may seem. I read a lot of this, but I understand it. But we don't have to agree with those contracts we can work on the other side and here to change them. Do we want a world with ideas where we can't see a better future. Some of us react and the world watches comments and laughs.
We have the power to do what we wish, even if there are consequences we have chosen that experience. For those in prison they have chosen that. For those who want to be free they have chosen that, We all have been granted free will and We have chosen situations even though some seemed predestined. We need to look at the Bigger Picture in this matter. And we need to create a better vision for the world. And we need to react on the lightening bolt idea that pops in our head and listen to what our emotions feel like. They will tell you if you need to change. It keeps you strong in the darkest hour and your darkest day.
I once heard we do something twice. We have an idea and then we do it. We have a plan no matter how far it takes us. And we are in the situations because we choose to be there through decisions of our past. But we work toward correcting and learning from our mistakes. This is life.
In a vision it takes time. We just have to hold onto that dream no matter what situation we are in. There is an end result. There maybe consequences, but there is a strong vision and we need to look at where we are going as a whole, but start within first.

Paintings are from the artist Joseph Evaldi
Twitter: or @passageofjoe
Feel free to comment I would love to hear your opinions.

Sunday, March 19, 2017

I'm Thinking About Writing a Blog and I wrote one on Family, Religion and being a Designated Driver

I don't know what I'm going to write for this blog so here it goes. If the first sentence goes as the rest of this goes I truly don't know where it is going and it will be a long blog. It is like the second sentence, it will even be a longer blog. If it is like the third, you are probably getting annoyed like me and wondering where this blog will go because I don't know yet.

Perhaps I am Procrastinating. Perhaps I don't even feel like doing this blog today, but I am writing for the hell of it. Perhaps I woke up and said I love my job like Triple H on Raw and decided to write, when deep down inside what I was going to write today is going to be out right crappy. And Perhaps I don't know what to write about because I don't watch the news anymore because it is all crap as the stresses in this life.

So by this time I have had some compelling meaning to my blog entry. It is now not crappy. I cut a shoot on the news. I cut a shoot on Triple H being happy about his job with a smile on his face, I even said crap. Now your thinking where is this going. What does Triple H and being happy with your job have every thing to do with the news and what will turn this crappy blog into mediocre or eventually a great blog.

When People have a boss to tell them to be "Happy about their jobs." They aren't because they want something better they don't want to settle. They want to rise above their situation. They want to excel to greatness. They want to be the movers and shakers of the world. On a small scale or even a big scale. Some don't have that plan and they come home everyday to watch what is going on wrong with the world rather is something to do with ISIS or whatever organization group, or Donald Trump, government or whoever is in office in the time. The fact is I don't like watching even though I am told I should, but I get reactive when I do. The fact is the only way to change the world is change ourselves first and when we don't and we are angry at others such as me and everyone else we have that problem show on the other side of the world.

Here is what I will say, when one person suffers, we all suffer. When we see a homeless man on the street we feel we don't want to help because we are to scared and don't want to do anything I have been there as everyone has, but that homeless man is us trying to find a way home. Some have given up and some fight. We don't know what is going on in the other side of the world and many might want to retaliate towards us for harms of the past as with life. I am not saying one way is better then the other, but we need to heal America, before we accept the worlds problems in until we can rebuild and create an environment that is ready to help. Destroying the enemy won't do much because it works as Karma, know those sins will be returned.

America is a country who has lost their sense of faith, some people have it, but it is weak. And when their is no balance, new structure need to be created and the old needs to fall. This means EVERY RELIGIOUS FAITH needs a shake up they are dying or they are killing themselves or others because they are angry. People like me lost faith in the church because we live it everyday and we don't need to be preached to about it because we live under fire everyday. We have grown up with it. We have priests pushing agendas it is not right. And we are at war.

The reason why I don't go to church any more and practice myself is because the Church doesn't practice the Jesus I know and no church does. The Jesus I know was a rebel. He broke systems down. He said why do you still practice the old ways and not change in the church. He took care of the sick when they said not to care for them. He stood up against people of authority and he challenged them. And he did it as a Peaceful Warrior as Dan Millman would say.

And the Church doesn't respect his words, they take advantage of the sick. Maybe they help sometimes, but for those who are down and suffering where are they.

Where was any church in my time of need and this goes with any church financially. And they saw me making many posts about my financial dilemma and no one was there except family and friends at time to help. And I had tithed to them before. But when people do give it to me if they do it'll be to late we will be on our feet. But my family as many have been suffered.

And it's not that. My parents have tithed all their life, but my parents and I have suffered and my brother and his family to financially and where were they to help where was anyone. All because I was suffering.

I will say when I get on my feet. I will make sure my family will get on their feet. Because my family gave their last change for me to go out and I respect them for that.

Sometimes life goes through a challenge and you have to honor that challenge no matter what it is. I was always disrespectful when I was younger. I was angry for my past. I was hurt and that hurt showed its ugly head this past year. But I know that my family cared about me.

Family will be there to, when you are bleeding they are there to bleed with you to. But sometimes you have to be stripped of the bare essentials before you can grow again. As I have.

This experience without money as angry as I have been has taught me to grow stronger. You know who you are when you drive someone to point A to point B and they are drunk and they spend $100 on alcohol and for others yet they can't even give you $5 for gas or the week when it's gone on for two weeks and they say they don't have any money when you are the designated driver. Uber or a Taxi costs more you know. I depended on that money for the week. You pay respect to the driver. I'm the one guaranteeing that you get home safe even when I hear drunk chatter in the car distracting me from doing what needs to be done on the road. You don't realize this for those who spent $100 on beer but I am responsible for your safety anything happens to you or me and I lose my license I may lose my job and I can't afford to do that. Being a designated driver I take on responsibilities and you have to respect that. I don't ask for much but give me money for the week. You know who you are.

I said I didn't know what I was going to write about I was going to write I was going to be funny, but I released and vented and I came out with some stuff I didn't know I was frustrated about.

Thank you for letting me vent in a way it has been therapeutic. I didn't know what I was going to write about, but I did an old writing exercise and it turned out to be a decent blog with content. Feel free to comment or Post I would like to here your comments. Until next time take care.

Monday, March 13, 2017

Getting Prepared for the Storm of Finance and Debt

Getting Prepared for the storm once again. No telling how bad the storm will be or what will happen. But from what I can tell about storms is I had a very bad storm that had lasted for months and this was financial. Many of us go through storms and when one area is in disconnect everything else is out of disconnect. So I have not been the same. When people ask for help financially it is not easy and as long as they have an agreement to honor their debt it is good. But the hardship when you are not prepared is even worse and this has been the calamity of my predicament for months.

And now we have a storm that is coming and is on its way. I survived the Winter and this saves me another day this storm that is coming. And I await a tax refund from the state that could help save me and get me back on track granted if they give that money that I need without delay. Even as little as it may seem this check could help me get back on my feet and I can actually rebuild after going through the fierce storms I have faced financially from July to March of this year. I have struggling and had money either taken from me or I have loaned and it has not been easy. Everyone asking me why I am broke all the time and why I have no money when I have no job. It has been humiliating to me.

People who have criticized me for angry blogs don't know what pain I went through and everything that I have overcome. They want things cookie cutted and crisp when it is a matter of the storms we all face. It is so easy to criticize someone who is posting angry stuff as I was rather then actually looking at their lives and seeing what they could fix.

This past year was very difficult for me and because I have not been financially secure and I couldn't be where I wanted to be and the angry blogs took over. For those who didn't know I was criticized heavily so I have been very secretive lately and this is a shame and this is why problems happen. When you don't trust anyone because the mistrust that was initially done to you it affects you and it burns you. And this summer wasn't the first time I was burned with money and you know who you are. That is why I set boundaries with money now. I shouldn't be taken advantage of or scammed like many now a days. And it doesn't matter if it is someone out of the country or even your best friend which I was before. I was scammed because I didn't care about myself and I was taken advantage of. As people still feel taking advantage of me and this is why I have trust issues with people and money.

Meanwhile people are able to live on their own or get whatever they want with my help. And I am still living with my parents. Had my friend might have not destroyed my self esteem that was already broken many years ago, I would have not been in this situation I was in, but I am just starting over financially and I still live with my parents and I am broke. This is the storm that I am going through.

I would have helped anyone and I still would, but who would help me financially when I am down, but my parents with a lecture, and three friends who help because I am Uber to them.

I won't forget about those people who were there for me when I was down financially. This was the nature of the list in the beginning for those who with to know. And for those who say let it go, they have to understand everyone who took something from me burned me in some kind of way. I came back asking for money for a friend who said I cant prove anything and won't give any money back because of what it was. It turns out he never was my friend, I was only used.

Money is something that should be respected. When you loan money, you should pay it back. But when we are without money, we shouldn't be left to fend for ourselves as I almost was. It goes to show you what people had care. And it goes to show with giving.

Just like there is a law of Karma, there is a Law of Money, it shall be returned to you only have faith. Money should be honored and paid back. Anyone who doesn't is dishonorable. They are very selfish. Perhaps I have been that way before to others, but that will change. There are debts that I can not honor right now because it is too much we are forever in debt and when we have little we can not get ahead. And we are forever behind.

And many of us have been taken advantage of financially, many don't have respect anymore they don't see that value and don't know what is being done. Many feel powerless and we are forever in debts of others, but debts are something that can help people on their path and know the lesson that we have to be faithful for our debts. It is easy to get the money, but it is hard to pay up. I understand the nature of credit cards. Just by lending money.

This is why we do what we have to do to be free. Financially honor the people who have helped you and be mindful of the people who haven't and lend if you can but remind them of who helped them. I know you don't want to give when you don't have money, but that is when you are demanded the most these are the life lessons that you learn along the way.

Image by Vitaly from

Thursday, March 9, 2017

It's Planting Season

I wrote on the Harvest in Fall the past two years. I am starting something new. This is going to be my annual Planting Season Blog.

Lots of snow and good weather at season creates for fertile ground. This is when we get a Spring. Spring is often the season when we have good weather, not hot, not cold. The last two years we did not get a Spring it was cold. This is in New Jersey. And the Spring felt like Winter.

This Winter it felt like it stormed and internally the weather was fertile for growth. This was the season to switch strategies and try something different and something new.

In a way I reinvented myself in a process that started in fall of last year. I went to the gym again, I worked on my artwork, I read again, I re-strategized how to make my life better then it was.

It was clear that things weren't working well in my life and I didn't have peace of mind and just as a switch that went on in the day the first seeds that I planted grew yesterday.

It may have not been with financial gain, but it was growth, growth of possibility. I know what I need to grow this year I have a feeling.

We need to continue growing and planting our seeds. We need to water those plants and flowers. The seeds need to be nurtured rather it is through mother nature or through investing the time yourself. You do your part and mother nature will take care of the rest.

Sometimes we are tested to plant something new. Sometimes we might be up against an obstacle, but when we plan how we attack or we just attack, success happens.

All of us may have lost something in our lives we are going through the winter or have gone through the winter of our life. And when we go through a rough year and Winter, we know the seeds that we planted based on strategy and studying will come and grow those crops.

Maybe you are ready to enter in a rough year and things don't seem to go all as planned, my advice is go through the storm let it prepare you for what is to come. Grow yourself build yourself stronger. Build yourself so you can wage the war and know that your time will come again that is when you start growing and learn how to grow again knowing it may not become a tree until years down the line.

Even Trees need nurturing, growing a tree is long term and like us we have bad years and good years and we all wage storms. Help nurture ourselves to make us stronger.

Planting is everything, rather we keep on growing crops for short term or planning for the long term. We come up with a plan and we work and act. Our crops won't grow with work into them. Sometimes we have to invest in ourselves like our crops and make ourselves grow. We will recover and as Seth Rollins once said We will "Redesign, Rebuild, Reclaim." It is the story of planting and it is the story of us. We need to live by that philosophy. Sometimes we will go through setbacks as Seth faces now, but we need to persevere and work hard to rebuild what has been broken again. It is a matter of growing.

And we face life with our setbacks such as Seth Rollins and we go through rough Winter where we need to rebuild again and it seems we may not grow, but know that Spring is coming and we can grow again despite being broken. And when we grow we are inspired to do more. We are inspired to live again and we have to face our fears only to grow. It is when we face our fears we live again just like Spring. Let's plant those crops. Let us grow again.

Image by Johnson Chou from

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Memorial Day: A Tribute to Our Fallen Soldiers

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